Hanging In The BaLance

This particuLar week has been a reLi different week as compared to the months I've been passing for quite some time. It was quite miserabLe and confusing for me with Her not teLLing me the reason behind it untiL juz days back. Itz aLL for my good .. I know ..

MayB time has come for us to move on to a new stage in this reLationship, that we have to Learn to be more independent and not reLy on each other so much, or rather, me to Learn being Less dependent on Her for most of the time, aLL the time. This week, however, we met Less. She spent most of Her time catching up with Her peeps and me, drowining myseLf in footbaLL every evening in Sengkang. It sure was difficuLt. NevertheLess, we had outings .. to Ubin, to Guoann's burfday gathering in J.B, and juz today, She accompanied me to my footbaLL match.

Life hasnt been pretty straight without Her. I simpLy missed Her. I dunnoe how She's feeLing inside, but guesz it had to be done sooner or Later.

WeLL, the Ubin trip definiteLy Lifted much of my depression. CycLing sure was fun! And going to J.B, with Her mixing with my peeps, wat more can I ask for than be happy?

This morning was one I have been Looking forward to since earLy March. The League begins today, and for quite some time I've been pondering about some issues. I decide that I wiLL pLay my finaL match and hang up my boots. Itz a big decision, and I know the team wiLL soreLy miss me as a pLayer and a fren, but some things are beyond my controL. But guys, I promise once I stabiLise and sort out my Life, I wiLL get back and render my passion and 100% to the team again.

This morning, Dear went down with me for the match. We met up at Lavendar, with Kenneth coming down to give us a Lift there. The match went great for the team. We won the match 4-2, and I am of coz over the moon to score which wud be my first and Last goaLs in this match and probabLy the League. I haven had so much emotions in a match for quite some time and with Her by the side watching me, I juz wished time wud come to a standstiLL. Kenneth had been quite disappointed that Tiffany was giving the match a miss, but Tiff came down anyway, and I beLieve Kenneth has found a true good gaL. My Dear, She, faced the sun for as much as two hours. She is to attend a wedding dinner Later in the evening, and yet She took time off Her sLeep juz to come down and watch me pLay. Of coz everything dat She's done for me, I do appreciate from the bottom of my heart.

At the end of the match, I tried hard to contain the bitterness down my throat. Yongren, as the captain, asked if I'd Like to give a "speech" and I juz shook my head. I know if I open my mouth, I cudnt hide my tears anymore. FootbaLL, sure is my Life, but sorry, my beLoved footbaLL, as much as I do Luv u, u cant compLete my Life Like wat my Dear can do.

Afternoon, me and Her went to buy a pair of heeLs, did Her hair. KanDi met us up for he had wanted to get some strings for his girLfren in U.S. He foLLowed us for most of the noon and after I was done with preparing my Dear for the wedding dinner, we bade goodbye and the rest of the time, I spent it with my aLL-time buddy, KanDi.

For those who know him, cooL, he is stiLL the same bLack shit u guys have seen. For those who haven, this guy is made in china, but he ain fair Like typicaL country pumpkins. For years now, this has been one of the worLd's greatest wonders. Anyway me and him spent a good two hour shopping-cum-catchup session which we haven been doing for ages, and I reLi meant .. ages. Both of us have greatLy matured into men, with the exception that he, was faster. Dun get the wrong idea, we have never been gays.

As 5p.m approaches, I was to be down in Tampines for another footbaLL match. This time, itz an invitation from Said, a Sengkang MaLay guy who I knew pLaying with. Few MaLays wud have been impressed with a Chinese, aLtou I ain the best, I knew he does admire me, and I Like peopLe who admire me.

Reaching the venue of East View secondary, my mood was upbeat despite coming against the drizzLe aLong my way. The pitch there, was packed with MaLays, and the team I was to pLay for, are aLL MaLays too. Opponents, MaLays. I was the onLy chinese out of the fifty-odd peopLe around. However, I feLt reLi comfortabLe and confident about everything. For the first time, I took on a defensive midfieLder roLe. As the match kicked off, I had troubLe adjusting to the pace of the MaLays, they were much more aggressive and faster. But as the game moved on, I made good contributions. At the end of the match which ended in a 1-1 draw, my team mates recognised me as the "hardman". FrankLy speaking, tackLing and winning the baLL from the opponent pLayer and seeing them sprawL on the grass was a thriLL. It simpLy boosts my confidence. After washup and everything, I was one of the Last to Leave, and one player from my team managed to waLk me out and we had a good conversation. He was 34, and he keeps the jerseys, shorts and socks of the whoLe team. I din reaLise he was dat oLd, and dat he brought aLong his wife, his four kids, and his mother-in-Law for the match which were waLking right in front of us. He was a typicaL MaLay famiLy man, and it made me see and feeL dat MaLays have a speciaL bond so cLose in which no other race in Singapore cud be, even chinese. And Im gLad I got to know more peopLe in footbaLL .. though I was stiLL tinking of Her no matter how much footbaLL I was pLaying.


FYI, my Dear, I do know itz for my own good dat u try to see me Less. I do know itz quite hard on u as weLL. I do know dat everything dat u've done for me, is coz u Luv me. I do miss u .. and trust me, I wiLL take tis time off to be more independent. Between now and then, do be happy ..

by the way, I wiLL never forget our Promise ..